Thursday, June 24, 2010

I am naive

"You're only sixteen, you only see the good in people. You live a few more years, than you started to see the bad in them"

I grew up believing that everyone is nice. That everyone have the very purest intention in their heart. Yes, I was very naive. It took loooooong time for me realise, that my perfect world that I imagine was no where near the reality. Yes, only now I realise that I was wrong. Dead wrong.
I am not talking about what happened before (last posting) but I'm talking in general. Everything and everyone.

I am a very soft hearted person. My friends call me pudding because they say I am too soft. I don't get angry that much. Seriously. If I did, that watever things/person that got me mad, must have done something so bad. It's just me. I don't like to go crazy and scold people. I can't do that.

But now, I guess like the script from Glee said, the more you live, the more you see the bad in people. And that is true. With time, you know more people, you meet person with attitude that you never even though would exist in a person.

At first, I never realise this. Like they say, you only see the good in people. And that is what I only saw; The good. The bad things, I myself gave reason and excuses why they do this to me. Up until I ran out of excuses for them. Then only I realise what this person was actually doing to me. Taking advantages of me. Of me being so naive in believing people to be good. I learn my lesson hard. It's very hard when you learn the betrayal of a person, after you put such trust in them.

So, what am I know? What do I believe know?

Honestly saying, I hate myself for being like this. I wish I could just stay on believing that everyone is nice. I hate that I have to hate some certain people. I hate that I can't be like we used to be. I hate that I know this person was no good for me. I hate that I have no more respect towards them. I hate that I can't see them the way I used to see them. I just hate that feeling. I wish I could just be me, who use to only believes in people's goodness. I wish I could just stay being naive and just treat everyone as nice as I can without judging them or me being judged. But that is not this world's reality. The reality is not how I imagine.

They are people who just are plain nuts. I don't know what are their life purpose. Is it simply to annoy me? Simply there just to use me sampai aku kekeringan jadi hampas? Are they looking for naive people like me to prey? Were they looking around to find people like me? Was it when they introduce themselves and asked for ours, that their real question was actually, How can I use this person?

Ntah lah. But I thank them from the deepest of my heart. If it not for these few people that I have encountered thru out my life, I would still be naive and a pudding. You wouldn't want that , do you?? hoho...

Life to me have been great. Experiences definately have though me a lot. I think I am not as pudding as I am before. I think I have thoughen up a little bit. Well, atleast I think so....

Atleast for now.....


Queen4ADay said...

memey doh jadi puding kerah baling ke dinding pung/..=|

afirah said...