Second.

I see this everyday and I wonder, how does it feel to do as much as you can but could never top up the first? I'm talking about my Dad. He says this everyday, I miss your Mum. I just wonder, if the step mom hear this, how does she feel? And he always says, no matter what, your Mum is the best. Man! If I were the step mom, it would probably broke my heart.

I guess in being second, you should realize you can never be first. Never. I guess you should accept that. Right? But it isn't fair, isn't it? Everyone deserve to be love. Wholeheartedly. But in this case, step mom will never got a hundred percent, right? I mean, in whatever, you will always be compare. And she will always lose. No matter what.

Whose fault is this? My Dad? The step mom?

At first, I was mad at my Dad. Like he betrayed my Mother. Like all those years of love and promises went down the drain. Like my Mom never matter. Like all he ever wanted is a wife that took care of him and his kids. That's all. But it was never about that. He misses her too much. Way too much.

But where's the fairness in this? Marrying someone else so he can cope with his sadness? And in this situation the step mom became a victim. Maybe she's the one who should be blame. She let herself to be put in this situation. If she didn't agree to marry, this probably wouldn't happen. She knows she'll come second. She knows. She should see this coming. Right?

And living under the shadow of my angel Mother. Not just by my Dad, but being compare by everyone else.

I sometimes puts myself in her place. And I don't think I can. I can't deal knowing he have someone else in his mind while staring at me. I can't. Yes, it was his wife and she died. But still...

If ever that I'm dead before my husband, I don't know if I'm okay if you marry again. It's okay if you wanted someone taking care of you. But you have to promise to love her as much as you love me.

Hugs.