Second.

I see this everyday and I wonder, how does it feel to do as much as you can but could never top up the first? I'm talking about my Dad. He says this everyday, I miss your Mum. I just wonder, if the step mom hear this, how does she feel? And he always says, no matter what, your Mum is the best. Man! If I were the step mom, it would probably broke my heart.

I guess in being second, you should realize you can never be first. Never. I guess you should accept that. Right? But it isn't fair, isn't it? Everyone deserve to be love. Wholeheartedly. But in this case, step mom will never got a hundred percent, right? I mean, in whatever, you will always be compare. And she will always lose. No matter what.

Whose fault is this? My Dad? The step mom?

At first, I was mad at my Dad. Like he betrayed my Mother. Like all those years of love and promises went down the drain. Like my Mom never matter. Like all he ever wanted is a wife that took care of him and his kids. That's all. But it was never about that. He misses her too much. Way too much.

But where's the fairness in this? Marrying someone else so he can cope with his sadness? And in this situation the step mom became a victim. Maybe she's the one who should be blame. She let herself to be put in this situation. If she didn't agree to marry, this probably wouldn't happen. She knows she'll come second. She knows. She should see this coming. Right?

And living under the shadow of my angel Mother. Not just by my Dad, but being compare by everyone else.

I sometimes puts myself in her place. And I don't think I can. I can't deal knowing he have someone else in his mind while staring at me. I can't. Yes, it was his wife and she died. But still...

If ever that I'm dead before my husband, I don't know if I'm okay if you marry again. It's okay if you wanted someone taking care of you. But you have to promise to love her as much as you love me.

Hugs.

Gift

Wah! I know many wouldn't agree with me. But I do no like to celebrate annual celebration. Birthday especially. Here's why; it's a waste of money.

And many would argue with me. I get it. People love gift, presents. I do too. It's just that I don't like annual gift. I do not like that you have to buy me a gift because it's my birthday. The thing about presents is, you always have to get something better, bigger and pricier. If you don't, you love her less. Less than last year. Hehe.

My friends would oppose to this the most. They celebrate to the littlest things. Well, I was brought up in a family who doesn't gave gift on birthday. I rarely celebrate it. In exception of my sister. She would even make a party for herself. But we do get gift for achievement. Does that counts? I got graduation gift, top three gift and sort.

So don't start buying me gift. If not, I would want it every year. I would expect it from you every year. Unless, you have a long list of gifts you wanted to buy me. To tell you the truth, I don't.

They say it's the thought that counts. How much you think about buying a gift, and how far would you go to get it. That's the thing. Buy. If it's thought that counts, why buy? And doesn't it become monotonous after a while. It's my birthday, I'm gonna get a present. Where's the fun in that? Where's the surprise? Owh heck! It's her birthday. I have to get her something. Doesn't that sounds 'terpaksa'?

Buy me a gift because it's not my birthday. Do something unexpected. That is much better. Rather than the same thing every year. Boring much.



For my birthday, just steal a kiss from me. Steal!

A little step at a time.

Well, hello there! How's life? I hope everyone's doing just fine.


Erm, but here's something that is not fine. Nor that it is new. People who wanted to kill themselves, for boyfriends or girlfriends who left them. And in my case, since I don't have many boy friends, it my girl friends who got left by their boy.

Sad. Definitely dissapointed, when they utter the word, "I want to kill myself". Yes, I know the pain. But not from boyfriend leaving me (I don't have any before you), but from my Mother. I recognize the pain. And I know, it's hard. Up until a point that I just feel numb.

I would think of the same thing too. Ask yourself now, what will happen when the time comes, and you have to let your love ones go. Yes, I can't live without you. And in my case, definitely can't live without my Mom. But somehow, I'm still here. I tell you it is not easy but it does gets better.

Here's an advice. Live life for the moment. Be happy for whatever you have now. Be happy for those who loves you no matter what. Family and friends. And don't live or be happy only when you're with him, but do it for yourself. Don't be too dependent. Love yourself more than you love anyone. Be a little bit selfish. Just a tad selfish. Okay.

And believe in faith. Believe in God. Believe that He got things lining up for you. For better it will be.



Yes, it's painful. But if you can't go thru a breakup, how will it be when it is your parents who you have to let go. So don't be so hard on yourself. Take it one step at a time.


And this is also an advice for myself. Noted.

New entry

How can I not love him? He's the sweetest guy I have ever met.



Is that sentence even valid as a blog post? Hahahaha.. Being so short, yet tells a lot. :)

Anyhow, have a good night everyone. Kisses to you. All of you.

It's 2012

Selamat tahun baru!

It's 2012. Wow. Who knew that I would still be alive today. Who knew that I would still be here in this world.

I never celebrate a new year looking at the past year, but I look at the past years that have made me what I am today. I don't regret things I've done. I may not like what I am now, but I couldn't imagine me being anyone else. For that I'm thankful.

There will never be a day that I don't miss my mother. Even when the world is upside down, having her here right by my side, would make Sahara felt like ice. But that wouldn't happen. That I know. For what is important now, is that I'm here. And for that I'm thankful.

This year is our year. This year we will make our dreams came true. This year is for us. For a beginning of our life. So cheers to that.

This is for us to be closer. This is for us to said what have been kept silent. This is for us to look back, and laugh at all the silly mistake we've made. This is for us to sit in silent and wonder how will tomorrow comes. This year is for us. For us to do what we have plan to.

For all the things I never did, or I have done, or I never said or I have said, I'm sorry if it hurts you in any way. This is for a clean slate.

This new year is the beginning of our life. And for that I'm thankful.

Happy new year everyone!